Shoutout to Jesus.

Can I please just boast about Jesus for a little bit? Thanks. 

I realize that a few months ago I did a post on God's provision. Ever since then I've become more aware to how much God truly blesses me. I'm going to share just a few ways He's shown up in my life.

1. College-Liberty University

God provided me the exact amount I needed to be able to come to Liberty University. That's crazy. Moving from Minnesota to Virginia my Senior year of high school was hard-especially since I had to visit colleges and try to decide on what I want to do for the rest of my life in less than year [at least that's what it felt like]. God providing the funds was proof for me that I was supposed to go to Liberty. He knew that I was stressed about it and that I would need a clear sign on where to go in order to feel peace-He provided that. 

2. Friendships

Again, moving my Senior year made it difficult making friends in Virginia. However, God provided me with theater (something I'd always wanted to do), thus a way to make friends. I'll always treasure those friendships. They truly got me through my Senior year at a new high school. 

However, even with God showing up my Senior year and providing friendships for me, I still doubted how quickly I'd make friendships here and the quality they'd be. It's always stressful moving to a new place, but I wondered just how well I'd "fit in". 

Man, did God go above and beyond! He provided me with AWESOME roommates who love Him and are hilarious/encouraging people to be around. Also, I joined the Debate Team which gave me an automatic family coming into Liberty. Not only are these people in love with Jesus, but they're hardworking and hilarious (like laugh until I hurt hilarious). So despite my fears and doubts, God went above and beyond. I've found acceptance in all of my crazy, awkward self and it feels so right. 

3. Energy

I'll be honest. College is awesome, but between balancing school, debate, friend time, and alone time, it gets a little hectic [reason why I haven't blogged in while]. I've learned that when I'm feeling worn out or just overwhelmed, I need to run to Jesus and He'll give me rest. Hold up-that sounded SO cliche. But it's honestly the truth. Carving out time in my day to delve into the Bible and pray are not just checkmarks off of my "how to be a good Christian", they're honestly the way I de-stress and re-prioritize my life. 

With all that to say, I love college. I love the people. Sometimes, I even love the schoolwork (nerd alert). But I love the fact that I get to go to a Christian University where it's more than common to pray before classes, see people singing worship songs while walking, and take a class on theology. Even more, I love the fact that I get to do this college thing with Jesus at my side. I know that if I hadn't gone here He'd still be with me-and wherever I go He'll always provide. 

So there's my little shoutout to Jesus. Comment with yours.

"And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:19 (ESV)

"Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?"
Matthew 6:26 (ESV)

Starting Over.

I wrote the following entry about a week ago:

Having moved twice in the past 5 years, I've grown pretty accustomed to having to restart with friends, learn new surroundings, and how to cope with that sinking feeling of being the outsider. Occasionally I'll get questions like: "Was it hard moving cross country?" or "How difficult was it to move right before your senior year of high school?" The answers to these questions? Yes, it was hard. Sometimes I felt like it was the hardest thing I've ever gone through. However, all that to say, I wouldn't trade those experiences for the world. There were times I felt completely broken, but that only caused me to run to my Savior. 

It was only when I discovered people would fail me that I realized God never would. 

It was only when I realized my friends couldn't always be there that I understood God was always there to listen. 

So in these past few years, I've known the challenge of being uprooted. But I've also seen how God digs us up to transplant is closer to Him.
Looking back, I wouldn't change a thing. In fact, I've learned to expect nothing less than constant adventure from above. Instead of fearing it (as much), I've been learning to grasp the opportunities to stand out from the societal norm of staying comfortable. Looking ahead, I'm embarking on the adventure of college within the next few days. Another clean slate-another group of new people to meet. I'm immensely excited to start this adventure, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't the least bit nervous that I'll get the outsider sinking feeling again. But when I have these thoughts, I have to learn from my experience and trust in Jesus. After all, He has all my past, present, and future adventures figured out down to the minute details. 

Today:

Oh, how God provides. College is amazing. I mean, yeah there's the moments that are frustrating like when your phone isn't working or you get lost (like a million times), but the wonderful new memories make up for those less than pleasant moments. One thing that experiencing hard change and transition has taught me is to trust God unconditionally. He is constant and reliable. He holds the world in His hands, so He's got your worries too. Trust in Him, amidst the confusion. Amidst the starting over.

Faith: Feelings, Fact, or Fiction

This morning at work I was pondering the different variations of faith. It seems to me the majority of them can be broken into three types:

Feelings-
A feelings faith is one that ebbs and flows according to your emotions. If you feel close to Jesus, you believe in Him and His plan. When things aren't going so hot, you tend to doubt and question whether its real. In other words, if you feel good about life-Gods present. If you don't-He's not. For example, I love worship music. If I'm really feeling a certain song I sometimes suppose that I'm in Gods presence. When it's a song I don't know or just don't like as much-I doubt Gods there.

Fact-
This is the sort of faith I want to have more of. The black and white, no-nonsense, I know what I'm talking about faith. God's real no matter what happens or what I feel. A steady faith realizing that God's power isn't limited to how you're feeling today. God is real, whether you like it or not. I tend to see people with this faith and envy their unwavering soul. How they "just know". I believe in Jesus and that He's not limited to my ideas of Him, I do, but sometimes I get caught up in the feelings faith instead of the knowing faith.

Fiction-
Now this might be going out a bit on a limb, but there's another sort of faith I pondered. Similar to feelings, but it takes it to the next level. Fiction faith is believing that whatever anyone wants to believe, it'll be ok. In other words, it doesn't matter what god you believe in as long as it makes you "happy". I call this fiction faith because to me it's the sort of thing that is, well, fake and unrealistic-to put it bluntly. Believing that whatever you believe is ok really means that you're saying religion is something people believe when they want comfort-but beyond that it doesn't really mean anything: "So long as you're happy". This faith is fiction because it doesn't work in our world. It just won't fit right. If you're a Christian and believe the Bible, then you also have to believe John 14:6 where it says Jesus is the only way to the Father (aka heaven). Do I sometimes wish this wasn't true so everybody could just believe what they want to and we could all be happy? Sure. But God isn't someone you barter with. You don't get to decide how He could make His plan better-it's already perfect.

I believe fiction faith is just that-false. But I struggle more between fact and feelings. I believe there's a balance. Jesus gave us feelings for a reason and He can reach us through these feelings. However, Jesus is also just as close to you when you don't feel Him there. Moreover, you need fact in your faith because without a solid foundation, you'll be lost. I don't have all the answers. I'm still trying to find the balance. But I believe the first step to deepening your faith is realizing what it's made up of in the first place.

Pride and Passivity

Pride and Passivity are two things I struggle a lot with in my faith.

1) Pride 

The old proverb has been drilled into our brains since childhood: "Pride goeth before a fall". (Proverbs 16:18). And sure, we think-I'm not proud. Believe me, I tell myself that. But the fact is, a lot of us struggle with pride and it shows up where we least expect it. When we're in an argument and not willing to say, "you're right". When we aren't willing to humble ourselves and admit we made a mistake. Being humble is at the epitome of Christian faith because before you can start on your faith journey with Jesus you have to say, " I messed up-big time. You're always right-and a lot of the time, I'm wrong." On this thing called "a walk with Christ", being humble is not just recommended, it's a make it or break it issue. Most times, I think I'm breaking my faith by subconsciously believing I have everything together. I don't-I need to refuse pride the pleasure of succeeding in my life. 

2. Passivity

The temptation of becoming passive in our faith is all around us. We get comfortable, and forget the things Jesus called us to do. For example, go and preach to the nations. Or feed the homeless, care for the widows. I'm especially guilty of obsessing over my personal relationship with Jesus-how I can feel closer to Him, what prayers I need answers, etc. and I so often forget there's a world out there that needs Jesus and I'm called to spread the good news. Maybe it's not across the world, or even cross-country. It could just mean to stop being selfish with my faith and being willing to step out and share with others. "Sharing is caring." Passivity is too easy to fall into-and it's not just with the gospel, but in every area of our lives. Getting comfortable and forgetting to serve others, make time for Jesus, or even make time to spend quality time with people (aka fellowship). James 2:17, "In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead." (NIV)

So lets fight these two P temptations. Often, I find they go together. I get proud in how well my faith is going (better yet, how I think it's going) and I get passive in bringing my faith into my actions. Interesting how that works, right?

epiphanies on Ephesians.

Hmmmm...what to write about. That's what I'm thinking right now as I find myself in my room, trying to find something to do. I guess that's what happens when you work two summer jobs-when you have time to just sit back and relax, you aren't really sure what to do with yourself.
As you now know, I'm a huge journaler (if that's a word). I love recording my life as it progresses. Most (if not all) of my entries are prayers. However, lately I've started to write down my thoughts on the scripture passages that I'm currently areading. So now, I'll page through them and look for any nuggets of wisdom or, epiphanies.

Here's some thoughts I had on Ephesians:

Ephesians 1:13 says, "And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit."
I love that word-seal. It brings to mind the old fashioned candle-wax and pretty seal maker thingy. Or better yet, the moment when Mr. Darcy seals his letter to Elizabeth explaining his relationship with Wickham and his interference with Bingley and Jane (after proposing himself to Ms. Bennet). But that's besides the point. A seal is a mark of ownership-of identification. This brings me comfort. Once we believe in Jesus, we're His. We belong to Him and He lovingly provides for us through the Holy Spirit. All that from one verse. Let's see what else.

Ephesians 2:10: "We are God's workmanship". God is constantly working on us-we are His art piece-thesis-creation. It would be foolish to try and live outside of our artist's purpose for us. Also, because we're God's workmanship, it means that we're not done. We're still alive, thus, we're still being molded into who He wants us to be. This creation is a continual process. This gives me hope, because it means that when I'm having a low day at work or a stressful day in relationships, He's continually working in me and around me in order to mold me into who He created me to be. As long as I live in surrender to his plan, I can improve and there is hope for me.

Ephesians 2:4: "But because of His rich love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions-it is by grace you have been saved." I think it's important to note in this verse that it says "even when we were dead". This means that while we were sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). He didn't wait until we got our act together or cleaned up our mess-He saved us when we most needed to be saved. What this means to me, is that Jesus won't give up on us. He was there when we were at our lowest point, and He'll continue to save us in order to draw us into Him.

Ephesians 2:19: "Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God's people and members of God's household...with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone." Jesus accepts us. YAY! Seriously, that's what we all want. Our innermost desire is to belong-to be loved-to be accepted. And Jesus accepts us, so that's cause for celebration.

We belong to Jesus. He is working in us. He saves us. He accepts us. Four truths that are pivotal in our lives today. If we believe these-if we actually take them to heart-so many of our problems would be vanquished. The pursuit of love and/or attention from others. Our depression at how slow and meaningless our life seems. These would go away if we only trusted in Jesus and these truths. And if they didn't go away completely, that would be okay because we would know that Jesus is still working in us.

So that's what I got for today. I thoroughly enjoyed Ephesians, and unbelievably, I have even more notes and thoughts on this book of the Bible. I encourage you to read it, and comment below with any thoughts on this one of Paul's multiple letters.

epiphany squared.

Most times, it's late at night when I have epiphanies. This works out rather well, since I end up journaling right before I go to bed. Here's two short-but extra sweet entries for you. :)

#1. We need people. I need people. In the age of technology we've settled for pictures instead of moments, likes instead of love, chatting instead of heart to hearts. We need-we have-to get back to realizing we need eachother. Not the insta, friend-me, tweet sort of way-the "i need you" sort. The late night talks. The coffee shop book clubs. The old fashioned relationships, in a way. Jesus, helps us get back. On a more personal level, I need to be willing to need people. To follow the idea of running to people when I'm feeling alone/hurt instead of running to my Facebook page to distract myself. To make new friends when I'm bored instead of mindlessly scrolling through the latest pics to double-tap. Instead of meeting new people in person, we as a society casually add them to our friend list to avoid the awkwardness of in-person first time conversations. We can't settle for less. We were made to need each other. On the other hand, it seems like so many people have commented on this. I'm sure some of you are thinking, "Yeah, yeah. That's what everybody else is saying too.We get it-we spend too much time on social media." But I'm serious-being able to communicate and connect efficiently and effectively with friends, family, and new acquaintances is becoming a lost art. We're losing this skill that should be innate. It's serious business. Social media is awesome, but it should be a supplement to our communication, not the basis. It should be an elective to our communication. 

#2. God, you are in control. No matter what I try to convince myself or subconsciously believe-Your plan is sovereign. So instead of praying, "God, help such and such pass" help me say , "Lord, your will be done". After all the stress has passed, the chaos is resolved, and the blood pressure is brought back to normal, it is evident that You always had everything in the palm of Your hand. You know all of the unforeseen, the consequences, and what's around the bend. I've seen this countless times in my life-how things go the opposite way that I want them to and yet everything still works out for the best. And yet, I still manage to doubt your master plan. Help me trust you. Wholly. Completely. Without reservation. Let me lay my future at your feet. My life is a blank slate-write. I will choose to believe that Your plan for me is better for me and for all else. Help me follow Jesus's example and pray,  "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." {Luke 22:42}. 

the journey.

Let's set the record straight. Most of my posts are about a specific "spiritual" topic. But let me say, I'm far from having it all figured out. In fact, I don't think any of us do. Yeah, I do my best to analyze things and figure out the message to the madness, but beyond that I'm pretty average. I just finished high school and I'm blonde. My credentials aren't really that great. If you look at my hypothetical resume, you'll find a few summer jobs, nothing else. So, really: Why take me seriously? Here's my answer: By looking at each other's journeys, we're bound to learn something new. By searching through each other's stories, we're destined to learn things. And I love sharing what I learn with others.

Last night, I was scanning through one of my old journals and came across the recurring trend of "feeling close to you, God" and then  "God, where are you?". That's pretty much how my life works. Can anyone relate? It's seriously a roller-coaster ride in my spiritual life: No understatement. But if we look at this type of journey in perspective, doesn't it make sense?

I've been reading C.S. Lewis this summer (see my book reviews to catch up on my summer reading list). In The Screwtape Letters, Screwtape mentions how God puts his followers through tough times to force them to run to Him (God). I have seen this countless times in my life. In the trials, in the change-when I'm not feeling close to God and yet I search for Him, He pulls me close and draws me near. However, meeting with God is a constant, daily struggle to intentionally seek after Him even when I don't "feel like it".

Back to the main idea: The cycle of not feeling close, and then feeling close to God. When we don't feel close to God, and yet we constantly pursue Him, He shows up, and then we feel close to Him again. I would then surmise that we then tend to take advantage of this feeling of closeness and He gives us another struggle to draw us closer to Him again. Should this make us angry since we're supposing that God is handing us challenges for His benefit? No. God is throwing us challenges for our benefit. Better yet, God knows that there is no such thing as us being "close enough" to Him. There are countless ways we can grow in our relationship with Him. So even when things are sailing smoothly in our daily lives, there are many ways in which we can grow closer to our Heavenly Father.

This is a part of the journey. Our job is not to figure out a way to make things easier for ourselves but instead to grow closer to God. I would rather live a incredibly difficult life in the eyes of the world but be close to God rather than have an easy sailing sort of life and yet a wishy washy relationship with my heavenly Father. With that said, embrace this journey. Hold tight to the ups and downs-the roller coaster ride-the waves of life. God is pulling you towards Him with every changing of the tide.

See what I mean about putting things in perspective?