Thoughts on Purpose.

As a college student, I have a lot of goals and plans for my life. I’m consistently thinking about my next step-whether that’s in a class, relationship, or my blog. I am a huge planner. My friends can tell you that my daily planner is a mess-full of both menial tasks and large assignments. It’s very messy as well as colorful and many times confusing with large x’s and lines. I am always on the next thing I have to do, processing how I am going to get everything done for that day, week, month, etc.

I also day-dream about my future regularly. Because I’m a college student, many times I have no idea what I am going to do with my life or how my life is going to pan out. While some find it easy to say that “life is an adventure” and just go with that, I constantly feel that I must have a handle on my life, because otherwise I feel like I’ll spin out of control with all of the things that I have going on scattering around me.

However, recently, I have been thinking a lot about this idea of glorifying God in our lives. Since I go to a Christian school, I hear lots of testimonies of people being missionaries to other countries, working with human trafficking around the world, being a leader to different groups, etc. I see many people around making choices to change the world in big ways. Whether they’re flying cross country or writing pieces that will impact dozens of pieces, the feeling that others are making a difference while I’m waiting to change the world on the sidelines is prevalent. I keep hoping and praying that God would prepare me for that “big thing” that awaits or that He would bring it into my life.

Part of me sighs at relief at the position I am in life. Since I don’t really feel like my “big moment” has come yet, I feel comfortable in my daily habits and weekly schedule. My planner is my teddy bear in my world of crazy and while I do feel like others are doing while I am watching, I am rather cozy in my position on the sidelines.

Yet, there’s another big part of me that’s sick of waiting on the sidelines for God to bring something into my life. I grow impatient that I haven’t made a huge difference yet. I grow doubtful that my moment will come. This feeling is rarely admitted by myself, but it outpours in my little doubts of what my major is, what my career will be, etc. My fear of not leaving a big enough mark on the world displays itself in smaller, daily fears of not being in control. It took me a while to see the root problem of my fears, and I’m still struggling with admitting them to myself.

So once I get to this point, the question I have for myself is “What next?” Now that I’ve recognized that part of the reason I’m an obsessive planner and compulsively stressed is my deep rooted fear of not having a large enough legacy, how do I go about resolving this? I mean, besides the cliché answer of “Trust God” that I’ve been taught since before preschool, how do I battle the question of how I’m going to make a difference?

I really believe that we all want to make a difference. That we all want to grow up to be a someone. Whether that someone is in the medical field as a pediatrician, in the service industry as a nanny, or in the media field as a news reporter, the thing that we dream of ever since we are kids is the impact that we’ll have in the world. The people that we admire are those that we believe have reached their goal and satisfied this need.

So we’ve realized this fear is universal, but I still haven’t answered the question that we all ask throughout our lives: “How do I make a difference?”

I’m not going to pretend to have the answer to this question. Sadly, life isn’t a formula where we can plug in ideas and get a solution. But this isn’t to say that I don’t have hope. Some people may say that it’s unrealistic or just wishful thinking, but I do have to believe that if this desire to attain something more in this life exists, there must be a way to satisfy this thirst.

There have been many who, once they recognize this deep seated hunger, either leave the country or abandon their past plans. They switch their goals in the hopes of reaching this goal. I believe that is awesome-and those are some of the people that I most respect. Those who can leave the "American Dream" behind to chase after a higher calling in a big way are worthy of admiration. 

However, to be honest, I’ve always struggled with being a doer or leaving my planner behind to chase something higher. I always want a safety net or something to be able to go back to if my adventures don’t go as planned. Is there a way to act while holding on to this feeling of comfort?

That’s another question I don’t know the answer to. Sorry to disappoint...again. But let’s just remember I am a college student-I’m skilled in asking questions, but much less able to answer them. On a different note, the hope I had that we could make a difference applies here.

And this is where a bit of a solution comes into play.

I see many people in their day to day lives making a difference. Many people call them “random acts of kindness”, but I think there’s more to them than this. When someone is able to touch someone else’s life with a single word, touch, or action, there must be more than a simple explanation that the world gives.

At this point, I am reminded of a man who was able to perform so much on this world that He was remembered for all of history. One of His words silenced a storm, one touch of His garment brought healing, and one action He completed conquered death and brought the whole world hope. Of course, His name is Jesus.

Now, many people would say that what Jesus did on earth was more than random acts of kindness, and I would most certainly agree. Anything the Son of God did on earth would far surpass any words we could use to describe it. I also believe that behind our ability to bless other people is more than a worldly justification.

You know what I think the reason is? I think that every time we are able to help other people out of a motivation of love, we are acting out of the core of who God is and are thus glorifying Him. Whether it is bagging someone’s groceries, helping someone cross the street, or opening the door for a person, we are glorifying God because we are displaying God’s love to other people. Whenever someone travels cross-country to be a missionary, heads up an organization to bring justice, or write a book that provides truth to nations, they are expressing the very being of our Savior.

This brings me to my final point. And if you’ve been able to follow me up to this point, kudos to you, because I’ve barely been able to keep up with myself. It’s funny when you have a sudden epiphany at night and you just start writing. My final point is this: Glorifying God probably happens in many shapes and sizes. Sometimes we give more import to those who travel across the world; several times will I put more meaning on those who affect a larger number of people. However, I think this is limiting God to the distance we travel or number of heads we impact. I believe that God is able to influence people in many different ways-through many different people.

This is where we come in. We obviously all have different callings. We all have different abilities and interests. I am confident that God shapes us through our testimonies and talents to produce a person He can use to glorify Him. So whether it’s buying someone’s coffee at Starbucks or buying a flight to Africa to tell others about Jesus, God will use us. Our challenge is to discover how we can best serve Him in the time and with the abilities we possess.

Personally, I love to write. I love to worship. I love to learn. And I think that I can somehow find a merging point where I can glorify God by incorporating all three into my life. Your talents will be different. Your story will vary from mine. The key is to answer God’s call when it comes. That means that if I wake up in the morning and God calls me to fly across the world, that I pack up and trust in Him alone. It also means that if He calls me to continue to blog and try to figure out life and my relationship to Him more, that I do that.

While relying on God more than my comfort zone of planning is crazy hard, that’s what I am called to do. What I know now, however, is that the waiting is over. And it always has been. While God may have something else for me in my future, glorifying Him is not on a timeline, because God is outside of time. Worshipping God with my every being started the moment that I gave my life to Him. When I told the world that I would never go back, that was the instant that I had to start telling myself that every fiber of my being would be devoted to glorifying Him. While at times that may be intimidating, it is comforting to know that I am here for a higher calling and that my God is one who has already written my story and has many adventures in store for all of us. He knows the desires of our hearts, He knows that we desire to glorify Him, and the extremely amazing part of it is that He desires our service-our love-our worship. So while we are called to give ourselves to our Creator, He desires to use us to not only impact the world around us, but to also be His child. The one He can make plans for and love passionately. While sometimes our lives seem crazy and unpredictable, we serve a God who has conquered all and has everything already figured out.

The man who came to earth and completed so much in such a short amount of time is the God that we serve. So although today you may either be in a different country or just getting by daily, know that God desires and can use you for His kingdom to glorify Him. While I struggle through some of these questions about life, I know that God has already called me-and each and every one of us-to follow Him in every instance of our lives. We have to stop comparing ourselves to others, and instead listen to His voice while contributing to the world around us and fulfilling that deep-seated desire within all of us. When we are able to glorify the God of the universe and partake in His kingdom, we can fight against our fleshly fears that we won't accomplish anything worthwhile because when we are able to contribute to the Lord's kingdom, that's the biggest influence we could ever have. It is not only worthwhile, it is eternal. 

Obviously I'm not the one with all the answers. But it's comforting to know that as we struggle through life's questions, we can serve and glorify the God who does.